Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
