your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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