How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
