that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
