Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
