Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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