You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
