You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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