There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
