He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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