whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
