Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
