I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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