Pappa wants mamma naked
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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