I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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