my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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