Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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