I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
