Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
