I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
