Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
