Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
