When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
