I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
third nipple confirmed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
