I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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