Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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