Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
