1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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