Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
