I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
