haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I touched a dick in church today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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