you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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