these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
