Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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