No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
