I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You ruined the universe
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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