My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
