I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
