I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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