I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
