My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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