I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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