I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
