PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
