People in love make me want to vomit
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
