just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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