like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
