i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
