I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
