Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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