I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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