I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
