Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
