My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
