hotel room ftw
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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