she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
