I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
