I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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